Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
