he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what day is it and did you see me today?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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