i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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