Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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