the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I smell stomach acid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
