Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
