Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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