what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
