I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
