I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
