3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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