make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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