Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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