my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
