in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
