i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
