I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
