At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize