Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
