normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
