he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize