What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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