He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
