I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
