i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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