You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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