I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
