yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
