There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
