I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
where are you?
Hypothermia
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
