Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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