I skipped work to stalk him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize