there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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