I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
