hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
