If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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