im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
