The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
