I wish my penis had an off switch
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
