before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
