sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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