Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
