Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
