About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
