How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
