who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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