Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
