i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
