I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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