my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
