theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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