I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
