why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
