The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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