he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
