You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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