I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
