Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
