its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
