She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
