conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can you bring me the toilet please
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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