fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
