and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
