I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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