even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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