Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
