if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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