I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
