just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm always down for nudity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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