I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
