This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize