No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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